Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Laying Aside Every Weight and Stregthening My Weak Knees.

 I woke up this morning with the intent of getting up early . But I stayed with my normal routine of hitting my snooze button way to many times and leaving myself about 10 min to get ready before the kids had to be woken up.  I reached for my phone to officially turn off the snooze . Then I went straight to my email.  Thankfully I had showered the night before due to kicking boxing and a late night cleaning job. That bought me some time to read my IF:Equip for the day.  We are going through the book of Hebrews and it's just so so good.
  I read my stuff and went along with my morning, in which I could always use the extra time that I officially set my alarm for. But instead I'm literally running out the door for work and dropping the kids off at school.  After the drop offs and on my way to my first job of the day, I just have this yucky feeling in my heart. Some past sins and struggles were boiling up and I had to turn the radio off and just pray. That God would clear my heart and cleanse my mind and keep teaching me to love people .
  Growing up, my dad constantly would say to me (as I was stomping off) Krista-don't be so offended!  Oh, those words would get me- and offend me even more! But my dad was speaking this truth to me.  I was offended and I still so easily get offended .  I catch myself saying in my head "Krista! Don't be so offended!!" Because I really do see myself as being entitled to things~at times I feel that  I am more righteous because I'm walking with Jesus ~ that my words are wise ~ I get judgemental.
  Then, I get offended when things don't go my way, or I'm not included in something, or by words people may say. I'm so nice to you, why aren't you nice back or even acknowledging my exsistence.  So I react in my heart, offended . And sometimes I let me words just flow instead of praying about them or evaluating my feelings first!
  I want to be better about reviewing situation from other peoples views and shoes. Checking first that maybe their response had nothing to do with me in the first place.  And with the mind set that, this could be just ME. And that is humbling and hard to swallow at times. That I actually could be the problem and my sensitive heart just took it the wrong way. I tend to blame things on everyone or everything other than myself.
   I clean for doctor and his wife and we get into theological discussions here and there. One week we were talking about the statement "the devil made me do it." And Gene told me, "I feel like those words are  just the best excuse for Christians;  when really our finger should be pointing to ourselves  and saying- 'no-I made me do it.' "
  And truly my response is my responsiblity. In my mood of being offended. I'm am responsible for how I am reacting to the events in my life. Not so and so , who had offended me once again.  Just little ol' me.
  As I grow closer to my Savior and He shows me the things that need to be cleaned out, I find myself just on my knees. In confession of these things, sometimes He says, yes, I will take these battles away ! And sometimes He tells me, your heart isn't ready for me to take them and I want to keep growing you through it.   As hard as that is, I just keep thinking of this verse! And this verse just happened to by my IfEquip verse today as well!
  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of  wintesses, let us also LAY ASIDE EVERY WEIGHT, and SIN WHICH CLINGS so closley, and let us RUN with endurance the race that is set before us......Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your WEAK KNEES, and make straight paths for your feet,  so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed" Hebrews  12:1, 12, 13
   (READ all of Hebrews 12:1-17)

I just keep running to Him. To His word. And He keeps showing me how to lay aside every weight and every sin the clings to me so very closely. And I just keep running. Because I know that in the end, He is there is strengthen my drooping hands and my weak knees . He will make straight my path and I will be healed.  I just can't imagine anything better than that.