Monday, February 9, 2015

What's it gonna cost??

This is a question that is always at the top of my list,in almost every single area in my life.

 1. Am I enough?
 2. Are we gonna be safe?(my family)
 3. What's it gonna cost?
 This weekend, I was invited by one of my dearest friends, to attend a podcast retreat called "If Gathering- local" The fabulous, Jennie Allen, went to Numbers 13:27-33 and put out the above questions. Let me just tell you- those top 3 questions are the story of my life!!
 Am I enough God? I can't speak or sing in front of people, I get so nervous that I'm sick , I  am an awful reader, I can't teach, I'm not a very good dresser, and I just am not enough God!
  Are we gonna be safe? Can my kids handle a crazy schedule, can I juggle all my other things in life, will my husbands faith be behind me?
 This is the biggest one! Will my family survive, will our bed times be messed up(for real people), will I have to many nights away(my intervert personality longs to stay in my own space at the end of the day), will I have to get up early, will people think it's ok, will people still like me, will people come, will I look ok, will I have enough money, will I still have time to run....what's it gonna cost me Lord?!? 
  This weekend , I feel like God stirred my heart- He said- Krista Lenae Motsinger (because saying my full name tends to get my attention more) get off your rear end and trust me! Start believing my promises - start believing that I  am always good - start actively walking by faith and no longer just staying in the boat of insecurities and "what's it gonna cost me " waves. 
 I have a call to believe - not just my salvation call but a call that is actively trusting God-in every area- especially out of my comfort zone. 
  To conclude with some more Jennie Allen wisdom- do I just wanna have a life that is relying on "SIGHT" or do I wanna have a life that's labled "SOULS SAVED."
  All it takes is a little mustard seed of faith. 
 God- whatever the cost!!! 
    Really people, I've gotta be honest- it scares me to death to say those words- but it scares me even more to not say these words and look back some day and see all the blessings in life that I missed out in because I was so scared of the cost.