Saturday, May 14, 2011

Change...its a coming!

When I start this post, for some reason I picture Johny Cash's DEEP voice singing one of his tunes about the troubles in his life and how he got through them:) Random, I know but its super early in the morning and I can't sleep. My sweet friend Ronda has inspired me to start blogging again, though her blog is FANTASTIC and mine will never compare but its to much fun to put things down with words.
2011 started out like most of my New year do. I wrote my New Years Resolutions. I have always loved doing this. I am super Goal based girl. I love lists that I can write and then crossing them off with a big smile is even more fun!
This year I wrote my list. I read over it and this huge amount of shame came over me. On my list were all of these surface goals....the body goals, these house goals, etc....and 2 tiny goals in the middle said this, "Get Deeper with God." "Work on my prayer Life." My conviction came with this...Why were those two things not the VERY first thing I wrote down on my list? Really? Why is "lose weight" "remodel this" "Go do this" way before my Spiritual health??? Right then and there, told Jason, "I don't want to just keep scratching the surface with God anymore...I am ready to see what ALL He has for me. I am done with my lazy life with Christ." Thus is where my story begins.
It was time to get Deeper...Put Effort. GO FURTHER! For my marriage, for my kids, and for me!! I was and am ready to be a Godly mom and a Godly wife. So, when you chose to go Deeper with God...He takes you at your word, lol. All of these *cough* "Respectable Sins" started creeping up. I was struggling even more with them then ever before and was constantly praying about them and going to God's word but they just kept coming up!! One evening I was at friends house and a couple of us ladies were chatting and talking about what God was doing in our lives. Out of the blue, I just spilled out this Sin that has been controlling me for over a year or so. I know it was the Holy spirit because I just don't share things with people like that...Not my down falls for heavens sake. I mean, who wants to rag on themselves to others? I've always been better at bragging about myself:) That night changed me. My friend said to me..."you say you have fully given this to God, but are you sure? Are you sure that all of the bitterness and other things that go along with it have been given to God and confessed too?" I honestly thought that I had! I really did. But why was I struggling with it worse then ever before. So my other precious friend, whom I look up to as a spiritual force IN my life...and yes ladies...she is nearly 3 years younger then me....suggested this amazing book that God has used to CHANGE me. "Respectable Sins" by Jerry Bridges. I ordered it that night because I was DESPERATE! I was longing for freedom from this area like nothing before. I read through the book and realized that things I was struggling with weren't what I thought and God has allowed me to work through this sin. It is a daily STRUGGLE still though and I honestly think it always will be.
Sin never comes into your life uninvited. And struggling with what I struggle with, was something I let in. I let myself conform to this world, and by doing so, I allowed myself to let this sin Rule my life. Praise God for His Sovereignty and His patience and His Love and most of all for His Word. Because He has changed me...I have so far to go...and I know I won't reach it until I am in Heaven with Him someday but are so good to me and I just don't deserve it.

He has placed a few verses in my life that I have on my mirror in my bathroom as a constant reminder of leaning on His word in every area!

"Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to Him and what is perfect." Romans 12:2

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things" Phillipians 4:8

"We must not be PROUD and make trouble with each other or be jealous of each other." Galations 5:5

"But the spirit produces the fruit of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self control." Galations 5:22-23

Other then God's word, He has been showing me my warning signs and my so called "Triggers."
The areas that I am struggling in, I ask God to show me what Triggers those things? What am I allowing into my mind or life that triggers these sins. And as I said before, no sin comes into ones life without being invited.